I felt very very happy this week after the Sandakan trip. My dar and I returns to the sweetness like before. I am really happy. Since we have been quarrel quite often before this until I think that we have no chance to return anymore.
I was very heartache in that period. I feel like dying looking at someone I known for such a long time and suddenly turned into another character. In addition of some "seasonings" made it even worse. He said a lot of bad to me. I cant erase them from my mind. He can complain something about me in a very rude way than normally he will be. Everyone has dignity and self-esteem. I have too. But finally I was trained to ignore those things inside me anymore. I am the worst person in the world who is the most foolish, brainless, useless and ugliest person in the universe. This is how me inside him that time. Even the only thing that I can attract him and pleasure him, he said that he can do it better than have me. Oh goshss.... my heart is breaking breaking breaking. I hope I can disappear from him at that time. I was ashamed that apparently it did not help even I've done this much. I was just like a disposable thing for him. I cant sleep well and do activities well in that period. I didnt know how to save us, as if everything I've done were wrong and not functioning at all. I think he wants to be single since he said that he wants freedoms. I was totally lost in him. I am sorry for everything I did and I'll learn to change anything bad.
Finally recently he started treating me sweet like before. I really really thanksss God!!! I hope that this can last longer or this would just be my dream temporarily, if it is, then I rather dont want to get wake forever. He treats me better than before. I wish to have a happy life with him forever as I dont want to lost him honestly. I've chosen him and I want us to be good. I love him. I swore I want to give him a lot of love since the first time he told me that his parents had divorced. That is why I always treat him like treating a baby since I love baby. I want him to get love from me since he had lost the love of father since young. I pray hard to stay happily and sweet with him since I dislike lao fu lao qi, I hope he will not bored with me and start cooling me ever again. I cant accept this much hurts again. Amen. He promises to watch Titanic 3D with me tomorrow, so I have to sleep early tonight, yeah!! :)
*~MoMo~*
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